haha.. yeah.. gonna try and do a real journal. yes, yes, i know it is AMAZING. just shut your mouth or i'll eat your brain

so.. i really don't know what to say. i'm tired all the time. i feel like shit. i'm pushing away the person that means the most to me... even though i'm not meaning to.. i don't even think he realizes it yet. i feel bad cuz i'm getting hurt by the way he talks to me and such because to me it IS hurtful. but he's tired... no i lied.. he's EXHAUSTED so i really can't complain. i know that he's not meaning to. atleast i hope he's not. i actually got to see him yesterday which makes me happy, really it does. but i don't know.. i was pissed off most of the time. i don't even know why. i want to know what's wrong with me... i don't like any of the same things anymore.. i'm just being a zombie at the moment. BUT. i don't think anyone's noticing. but.. yanno.. that would require my friends to care enough to pick up the phone and text me.. or call me. OR SOMETHING.i mean i can't complain.. they have jobs. lives. but still. i'm just kinda.. here. it's not like i'm going anywhere can't someone say hi?

and i think i owe james a paragraph. i really really love him. i just... i dunno.. wish i could make him happier. he doesn't seem happy anymore. he says he's 'mellow' but even if he doesn't realize it yet, i can tell the difference between happy and mellow. so i dunno... i don't know what's wrong with me. i think i finally lose. it'll be okay though cuz i don't think he'll leave me... O.O anyhow.. that is all. signing off...